"I like your big, round eyes".
That is how she starts the conversation.
The conversation that is coming up more often.
The conversation that she asks when her eye is going to be big and round.
And, no, this is not about her beautiful almond shaped eye. Although I believe she's thinking about it too.
Not only does my beautiful Chinese daughter have different shaped eyes than the rest of her family, she has one eye that is different from everyone else. Everyone else.
I know that she is being asked by other kids about her eye. I saw it yesterday during her dance class. We have taught her to have a quick answer and say, "that is how God made me". But that answer is not really sufficing her or the others now. And so this morning, at breakfast, we talked some more about what her answer should be.
Things she can mention is that she had surgery on her eye. And that she had an infection in her eye when she was a baby.
Anybody have any other suggestions?
We are also in the process of making a prosthetic (sclera shell) for her eye. One that will be painted to look like her other eye (she has bad scarring covering her pupil). There are other reasons why she will have the prosthetic, not just cosmetic.
I've not wanted to have it painted, because it will cover up the little bit of sight that she does have. There will be a small hole so that she can still see light. I've been reluctant to have it painted, to just leave it clear, but the more she talks about wanting a "normal-looking" eye, the more I think we need to have it painted. Anybody have any thoughts? Experiences?
I love this beautiful, beautiful girl!! And I think God made her absolutely perfect!!
7 Love Like Crazy Comments:
She is a beautiful little girl. My 2nd grade son has a coloboma in one of his eyes. we call it his little eye or magic eye when he was younger. The comments and questions are bothering him more and more. We try "That is how god made my eye and I can see out of it a little bit" or just being very factual. Neither are really doing the trick now. Breaks my heart when he feels sad about his eye.
Looking forward to seeing if anyone has advice.
amy
She is a gorgeous girl inside and out~ you are saying and doing all the right things. I think the key is keeping the conversation open all the time and giving her coping skills. Reminding her and role playing how she can talk about it when someone asks. Playfully asking her when she is not expecting it at home will make it way easier when it happens and you are not there. She is precious beyond words and God made her perfect!!! XOXO
I don't know that I have any suggestions...but I do know that she is BEAUTIFUL!
Hi Jenn,
I have a great friend at work who has has had an artificial eye since she was 6. I forwarded your blog to her and asked if she would like to share some of her experiences with you. She was happy to do so and asked me to share this with you.
'I had a bone growth behind my right eye and it the eye had to be removed. I’ve had a prosthetic eye since I was 6years old – I was teased a lot in grade school!!!! – but now looking back this is what I found –
No matter what the answer is the other children will tell them by attitude or words that they’re different. It’s important for their families to stress that they’re normal and just like all the other kids. Whether they are going down a slide, riding a bike, playing with a doll etc all the other kids are doing the same thing so that is the message that needs to be delivered - there really is no handicap or big difference – just variety! Everybody has to eat, pee, wear clothes etc.
This is what my Mom did for me. It gave me the confidence to ignore the taunts and learn to ride my bike with no hands etc.
As an adult, I realize there are things I can’t do like see in 3 dimension, I get serious vertigo when I’m up high, chlorine stings my eye – I can’t change these, but many other things “I can’t do” are restrictions I place on myself. For years I thought I couldn’t drive – now I’m the proud owner of my second car.
People who don’t know me don’t realize I have an artificial eye because to ME it’s normal and that’s the way I treat it.'
I hope this is helpful Jenn. Your Karleigh Mei is absolutely beautiful!
No advice....but I think I would do whatever would help her most...too bad there's not an easy answer for what that would be!
Hope doesn't seem to mind any questions about her hair or vision but she gets very uncomfortable talking with other kids about being adopted :( She knows it's not shameful in the US but it's hard to get past the stigma she grew up with...
Can she just sock it to 'em?
OK, I'M KIDDING LOL!
Seriously, though, we get the nose comments and "what is wrong with your mouth?" etc. Little J just shrugs his shoulders and says, "Nothing!" He is VERY laid-back.
S doesn't like the questions either. I have told her much like you: this is I was born. I struggle with God made me this way b/c I don't think He sets out for children to be born with birth defects. I think instead we live in a fallen world with sickness, disease, pollution, drugs, alcohol, etc. that leads to these. Another post huh?
Anyway, I think you are doing what you can by conversing with her and just helping her to think it through. She will always have to answer these questions. Doesn't make it hurt your Momma heart any less though.
Maybe she could take the approach us Mommas sometimes take? "Why do you ask?" Might end the conversation or it might lead to something like, "Well I just wondered does it hurt?" S gets that a lot and I think those children are asking from a place of compassion, which is not a bad thing.
Hugs to you and loving your emails this morning. ;) Hopefully my non-subscribers can read it soon too!
At this age most kids ask out of pure curiosity. I think you are equipping her with very practical answers. I had an infection in it when I was a baby but it doesn't hurt a bit now! It was hurt when I was a baby and I have a scar on it. When I was little it got hurt but it's just fine now. It just looks a little different.
I think if you practice the responses with her it will become simple and straightforward for her.
And my guess is that the other kids will not care a bit once their curiosity is satisfied.
She's a doll, by the way!
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