Rambling Thoughts...

So much going through my mind as of late. So much I don't yet understand. 

I've had a dear friend go through the unimaginable when it comes to fostering. The children were removed from her home, to prepare them to be moved back in with their mother. Theoretically this sounds like what should be done. And in many cases it is the right thing to do. This is the whole reason a foster parent does what they do. But sometimes, it may not be the best for the child.  And if that is the case, what about the heart of that foster mama? The one who has been loving on that child/ren as her own. Not to mention the lives of those precious children?

{I want to clarify my above statement. This foster mama is an incredible woman, and went into this fostering, knowing that the best outcome is always for the children to be placed back with their birth parents after they've gone through healing. But, not always do judges make the right decisions. Sometimes not enough time for true healing of the parents is made, and not always do agencies make the right decisions. Many times this is out of a foster parents control. I believe that our system is broken in many ways. This "unimaginable" was twofold.}

Oh. A fallen world we live in. So fallen. And it hurts. It hurts deeply. 

I have been listening to Laura Story's song "Blessings" and these lyrics have been embedded into my heart. I understand the truth of them. 

"What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy."

When I look at my darling Annie. My darling, darling Annie. Whom I love so very, very much. The fear of the unknown. Oh the fear! I pray that the Lord will not have me learn a lesson. I don't want to learn a lesson. I don't want to, Lord! Please spare me and my Annie girl a lesson, Lord!!

And then He reminds me why I've opened up my home in the first place. To help hurting children. It's not for me. Not for a longing of more children, although it does satisfy! Not because I want my table to be full of little and big faces, though it is a blessing! But because of the children that need help. They desperately need a safe place to live. For someone to love them. And who am I to say that I can't do it because I may get hurt. Is it not my goal to be more like Jesus? I am so thankful. So very thankful. That Jesus didn't look at us with a longing, wishing He could help us....to save us...but not for fear that He would be hurt. 

Thank you, Jesus! Thank you for loving me so much that you took the chance at being hurt!

Now, if He calls me to love the precious lives of children so in need of His hands and feet, then I will follow wherever He leads me. 

Even if there is a lesson to be learned. 

Because any lesson that is to be learned, any heartache, would be so worth loving on this darling girl.

My prayer is that He will allow me to love her and have her as my own forever. And any others He may bring our way.

My darling Annie.