Do you see this girl? This beautiful, blessing of a girl? I'm so utterly in love with her! When I really just sit and think on how much I love her, my eyes start to well up and a huge lump forms in my throat. I love her! And I thank God for allowing me to be her mama. {weep}
Besides being absolutely adorable, she's got a heart of gold. Pure gold. Her most favorite things are her friends. She adores her friends! And she's a good friend herself. She knows what is kind and what is fair. Once you are a friend of Karleigh Mei's, she'll be your friend for life!
I also love her zest for life! She's not afraid to tackle anything! Everything is an adventure she's willing to pursue. She'll try anything new. And if she doesn't like it, she's not afraid to tell you. :)
She's also very appreciative of things. If you give her something or do something for her, she's quick to thank you. And most certainly you'll get a squeezy hug and maybe even a kiss!
Karleigh Mei is a gem of a treasure. There really are very few like her. I simply cannot wait to watch her become the young woman that God has planned for her to be!
BUT.
There are some days that I really think she will send me to the looney bin. It's true. And I'm thinking Karl and everyone else in the house is not far behind.
WHY?
Because our girl asks questions and questions and QUESTIONS all. the. time. Not just some of the time. I'm talking all. the. time.
I know many of you are thinking, "good gracious, Jenn, she's a 5 year old girl? It's normal and good for her to ask questions!".
Oh, believe me. I'm all for a good question. But my darling girl can't seem to stop asking questions. Many of them questions she knows the answer to.
And she asks everyone questions. EVERYONE. Believe me. E-V-E-R-Y O-N-E.
Soooooooooooo. What to do?
I'm beginning to believe that she has a very mild case of RAD (reactive attachment disorder). If you look it up, incessant question asking is a symptom. It's a way for them to keep control. And I've figured out what I think {hope and pray!} is what she needs.
I've tried and tried and tried looking for information on WHAT TO DO, but cannot find anything.
So, I believe what she needs is some baby-time. Kind of like holding time, but what I think she needs is time to be my baby. She WANTS to be my baby. She LONGS to be my baby. And so the other day I tested out holding her like a baby to see her reaction. And oh-my-goodness! She melted in my arms!! We had a LOT of good eye contact as I held her in my arms and snuggled with her. She cooed and I talked to her like a baby. She even asked for a bottle. When she first came home (even at the age of 3) I gave her a bottle. But now I'm thinking (and hoping and praying) that we didn't do it way often enough. And so I'm going to try that again too.
I'm going to give it a try and after a while I'll report back. And until then, if anyone else has read or heard what to do about incessant question asking, PLEASE TELL ME!! :)
8 Love Like Crazy Comments:
I can relate, I have a son like this! We for sure deal with WAY more than just this and for sure deal with RAD.
One thing I do is ask back. If I know he knows the answer.
For example.....
If I get "mom is the sky blue?"
I say "mmm is the sky blue?"
It gives them control still but it's only the control I just handed them if that made sense?
When you take it back and put it back on them you establish trust.
Try it.
I promise you'll see fewer q's!!!!
Plus all the other thing you are doing..... You are on your way!
Yep, I check the RAD list often too. And I see some markers in our girl too. It is a question that is constantly in the forefront of my mind. I know this sounds terrible, but we just don't have it in the bank acct. to go to a RAD specialist (not one that close) b/t 2 speech therapies a week and braces and ... so we do attachment parenting too. I like what Nicole said above. I do a variation of that, but I need to be more direct as she suggested.
As for the bottle, we did this a lot about a year ago. I need to consider doing it again. People think this is crazy you know, so be prepared for the comments since you put it on your blog.
S has the stranger thing too or rather lack of it. It is weird how she is leery of acquaitances of mine but the lady at the bank or in line behind us or whomever that really is a stranger ... yeah.
Our boys show no signs of it and I totally expected it from our li'l dude. Big hugs Jenn and hoping and praying this works to help heal her wounds.
*OK, that is strange! The word verification is "watin"* ;)
You are so, so wise to follow your heart and do what your sweet girl needs. As I was reading your post and you mentioned her enjoying being held like a baby I wondered if you might try a bottle and sure enough, there it was. You are doing her so much good to follow her lead and give your sweet baby girl exactly what she needs. I have a friend who's daughter is 6 and they still have cuddle time every single night where mom holds the bottle, holds her in the 'baby' position and she enjoys her bottle always making great eye contact. It's a huge part of their attachment and they have had their fair share of struggles for sure! Follow your heart - you're doing great Mom!
PS - My friend also finds putting a little sweeter milk in the bottle to be a good thing. Almond milk possibly? Another thing about attachment as breast milk is often sweeter so this also seems to aid in giving her daughter what she needs.
I am SO thankful you shared this!!! I will certainly be praying for wisdom and patience. I had no idea that was a sign~ very interesting!! I love the ideas suggested and if I could encouragement for you, I would say do whatever it takes to help you child, no matter what other people may say or think. God chose you for this child and He will show you the way!!! Blessings as you search and find.
XOXO
Sounds like you're onto something mama.
She's so sweet and and I wish I could be one of her special friends. :) She is so beautiful, what a cute picture of her!
Here's a verse I've learned a lot from:
Psalm 131:2
Surely I have stilled and quieted my soul; Like a weaned child with his mother, Like a weaned child is my soul within me. (Psalm 131:2 ASV)
We get to this place with God AFTER He has shown us His faithfulness, nearness, care, fed us His milk, as much and as often as we need it, showing us until we *know* we are HIS, that He is GOOD, and that no matter what bumps and bruises we get, that He LOVES us. We don't get to act like *weaned* children unless we have first been a *nursling*.
My almost two year old won't sit in my lap without trying to nurse. He isn't weaned. He needs more proof, that I am there for him when he needs me. He eventually, like his older siblings did, will get to a place where he *knows* it's all good, and he'll be content to sit in my lap like a "weaned" child. It doesn't last forever, but some might need a longer reassureance period than others. None of my children were content in my lap unless weaned. I think if we include in the definition of weaned (just in the backs of *our* minds) words like "satisfied", "shown", "reassured", or "convinced", it helps us realize just how much we take that snuggling for granted. It is necessary. We all need that time. I feel so sad for people that never ever have anyone prove to them that they are loved. (I remember seeing a large old man in a restaurant booth sucking a pacifier once, behind his menu.) There are probably more ways than we could count that this lack manifests itself. One is shunning love or trying to prove oneself to be unloveable. Jennifer, you are the biggest-hearted person I know and I love learning from you. I love your fearless determination. You are amazing! Graceful AND fearless! Good combo. I'm proud of you!
Hey there - I have no words of advice. But, I'm looking forward to reading your post when you report back. Love what you are doing to help her - and probably you too. Please don't forget to report back, kay?
Oh my, I don't know how I missed this post. Kourtney just mentioned it to me. Yep. I just can't believe how much our little girlies are alike! When KM asks you incessant questions please know that I am experiencing the same thing, probably at the same moment, all day, all the time, over here on the West coast! I always knew it was some kind of learning and/or attachment thing. I assumed it has to do with security and permanence. Her wanting to know if the world was stable. If life was secure and safe or if everything was always changing and precarious. Thus if she constantly asked the same questions or questions she knew the answer to and got the same answer her world was safe. Absolutes, I guess. Anyway that was my theory, which is highly unprofessional. :) Thank you for posting this. I am definitely going to read up on this area of RAD. Lately Maylie has been wanting me to cuddle her again wrapped in in towel after her bath and sing to her like I did when she first came home. I think I may do that again regularly and may even do the bottle to.
Many blessings to you, my fellow mom of a beautiful precocious girl!
Lydia
P.S. I would love to read an update to on how this is going!
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